Today I want us to explore some of these. Dr. Gary Chapman in his book "The Five Love Languages" helps us to see how we can communicate love to our mate and to our children. That's right, even your children have their own love language!
Let's see if I can name all 5.
1. Physical Touch
2. Acts of Kindness
3. Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Words of Affirmation
Physical touch doesn't have to be sexual touch. It can come in the form of a hug, a pat on the back or in some other way. The person who's main love language is physical touch needs to have some form of that on a regular basis in order to feel loved. Even babies need physical touch in order to develop properly.
Acts of Kindness is my main love language. At least I "speak" that love language the easiest. The person who is the recipient of this love language is one needs to be shown some act of kindness in order to feel like he or she is loved. Dad used to love growing pansies. As a pastor, he would make regular visits to shut-ins and those in nursing homes. He would take some dixie cups with him and some pansies and share a pansy or two in a cup of water with that person.
Giving/Receiving of Gifts is one of my daughter's love languages. She loves it when we have Daddy/daughter date nights and I buy her something at the mall. But for me this is not a main love language. When someone gives me a gift it doesn't communicate love to me so much. Maybe your sweetheart would appreciate getting a little gift from you today. It doesn't have to be expensive either. You might do a home-made card which would cost little but mean the world to the recipient.
Quality Time is something I think every child should have. Notice I didn't say "quantity time." Go to your child's game, concert, recital. Spend some time taking a walk or playing a game. Your mate may also need to have quality time more than anything else to feel loved. When you give quality time, you give of yourself and communicate to the other that they are special.
Words of Affirmation come from those who's gift is encouragement. For me, I tend to speak "Acts of Kindness" but receive "Words of Affirmation." One of my daughters says her main love language is "Physical Touch" but I know she loves to have those "Words of Affirmation" too. If you were critical of your mate and then at bed time wanted to show physical touch, I doubt your mate would be in a mood to receive it, even if physical touch was your mate's primary love language.
We all have a love tank and it needs to be filled regularly. If it doesn't get filled by you then watch out!
He/she may go elsewhere to get their love tank filled. Study your mate and try to speak his/her love language. It may not come easy to you. If you are like me, I have some languages that come naturally to me to express such as "Acts of Kindness." Others such as Gifts take more effort.
A thoughtless gift is worse than no gift at all! Likewise, "Words of Affirmation" need to be sincere. Tell your children how proud you are of them. And don't use the word "but" in your sentence either. If we say something like "I'm so glad to see you take out the trash, but I still want you to make straight A's this semester", we negate the positive message and they only hear the negative one.
When you spend Quality Time with someone make sure your focus is on them. If, for instance, you go for a walk in the park and you never speak to that person or your attention is on how long this is taking and when can I get back to what I want to do, then you aren't communicating love very well. Remember when you were dating and held your sweetheart's hand as you walked or sat and enjoyed a sunset together?
Solomon certainly knew his lover's love languages. Read it today and see which ones you can identify.
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| Quality Time with my wife and sweetheart |
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| Are the giving and receiving of Gifts your love language? |
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| Words of Affirmation |
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